A New Beginning

Don’t ask me why, but right now I feel optimistic.  I was just looking on the MLS, something I do all the frickin’ time because I am addicted to real estate, but for some reason today it made me feel good.  I was looking up friends’ houses/condos and just seeing where everyone else my age is living.  Now, of course I can’t say this without sounding like a pompous ass, but my house is so much better!  I mean, how many 26 year olds own 4000 sq/ft houses in a major city?  Sure, if we moved our house to rural Kansas it would probably be worth like $400,000; but I don’t live in rural Kansas.  I live in Chicago.  In a pretty cute part of Chicago, for that matter.

I guess I’m just thinking about things and I know I’ve accomplished a lot.  How many 26 year olds have corner offices in the Chicago loop?  Probably about the same number as own 5 bedroom houses in the city maybe… I know I sound really arrogant right now, but I may as well right it down as a reminder, because I don’t usually feel this way.  Right now, I’m looking at my life and I’m impressed with myself.  Maybe I’m the only one that’s impressed, and that’s just fine with me.  I figure if I can have my finances, my job, my relationship, and my social life in a state that makes me happy, I should be able to get my weight to be there too.

Since I started phen I’ve lost at least 1/2 a pound each day.  I hope these results will continue, even though I know phen becomes less effective over time.  I just can’t believe it though… I mean, how is it I went from wanting to eat everything in sight to being able to not eat bread and olive oil (my vice) when it’s right in front of me?  It’s amazing. This morning I weighed in at 190.5.  I can’t wait to get to the 180s, 170s, 160s and beyond.  I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a number in 150s or below on a scale, ever.  I basically went from the 90s in 6th grade to 165 near the end of high school without checking in between.

I’m 5.5 pounds away from being out of the obese category according to my BMI.  I can’t wait to be out of here because I am never coming back.  To think that I could reach that goal in as little as a week is awesome.  I hope that at this time next week I’ll officially be overweight.  Cross your fingers for me.

I’m not sure why, but I am feeling kind of sad today.  I don’t know if it is phen related or because of what is going on at work or what.  I haven’t slept all that well since I started phen.  I know that’s a side effect though, and as long as I’m losing weight, I’m okay with it, I guess.   But, today I weighed half a pound more than yesterday, so that didn’t really set the best tone for my day, I guess.  Due to phen (I think), I haven’t really gone to the bathroom in a couple days.  That is probably why my weight is up.  That’s what I’m going to tell myself anyway.

I’m quite worried about my job though.  Our CEO resigned yesterday and it came as a huge shock to me.  I seriously had no idea there were any problems or that he wasn’t happy.  I suppose that’s a good thing, but at the same time, now I’m really nervous.  I don’t know how having our sales manager promoted to CEO is going to impact everyone.  I left the last company I worked for because it was being run by a sales guy and he didn’t have a clue what he was doing.  I hope that doesn’t happen here now.

I’m particularly worried because our new CEO wants to acquire a company that is currently run by his friend.  What’s especially scary about this is that his friend handles all of their compliance.  So, now I’m worried I will somehow be unseated as head of compliance or something.  That makes me nervous.

This whole thing is just twisted in my head.  Until yesterday when one of the directors of our parent company gave me the news I considered myself an equal with our sales manager.  We both had our departments and got to basically run them however we saw fit.  Now suddenly he is my boss?  I mean, what?  *sigh* I am nervous.  I feel like crying right now, but it’s like that doesn’t make any sense.

All I know is that I cannot leave this job.  I think that’s why I am so nervous about things changing here.  I’ve only been here since January (although I was the first person hired for the United States office, so I have as much seniority as possible, for whatever that is worth).  Prior to this I worked for 2 1/2 years at one company, then I left to try a job like my current position but it didn’t work out so six months later I was back at the first company again, and then just 6 months after that I came here.  I have loved this place so far, I like everyone that works here, but in particular I really liked by boss, which was our CEO.  I reported directly to him, and it was great.  He was extremely flexible and understanding.

Anyway, I know I have no choice but to wait and see how this pans out, but I already have this feeling that I should be looking around, just in case.  Man, this blows.

Ok, so on Thursday I went to a clinic and got a prescription for phentermine.  I had wanted to lose weight completely on my own, and since I switched my exercise from 50% weights to all cardio, I have been losing weight, just not enough.  So, I went and did it.  Today is day 2 on phen and I feel really good.  I’m down two pounds from last week putting me at 194 today.

I bought a wedding dress yesterday at the FIlene’s Basement Running of the Brides.  It’s quite small right now; I definitely could not wear it as it is.  But, I think the phen will help me get there.  I know I can lose weight with just my own efforts, but now this has become a bit of a race.  My mom, sister, and friend would all have preferred that I buy a larger dress, but I just didn’t like anything else as much as the dress I got.  I’d love to post a pic of it, but I can’t risk Rob seeing it on here, so I’ll have to wait on that.  I’m determined to fit into the dress though, it’s gonna happen.  Look out.

Anyway, that’s the happening with me… I feel better today than I have in awhile.  I feel in control for once.  It’s refreshing.