A New Beginning

So today I’ve finally hit my first goal.  I’m officially out of the obese BMI category so now I’m just plain old over weight.  Exciting, huh?  *sarcasm*

I thought this would be a huge feeling of relief, but I don’t really feel any particular sense of accomplishment right now.  I don’t know if I’m just having an off day or what.  Lately though, my losses just don’t seem like enough.  Some days I feel like I’m starting to look better, but then others, I feel more like I’m spinning my wheels than anything else.  I keep wondering when the losses will be noticeable to others, because they definitely aren’t now, which makes me a little sad.  I know 17 pounds isn’t an enormous amount really, but it has taken so much work to lose them, that I feel like it should be more noticeable, dang-nab-it!

Anyway, this is what it is… I need to get down to 154 in order to get into the normal weight category according to BMI.  That’s going to take quite some time.  But, I suppose I’m up for it.

I really wish I knew how much I weighed my freshman year of college.  I remember buying a pair of size 10 pants from aeropostale.  I doubt I’d fit into the largest size they sell right now.  I’m confident that that is the smallest I’ve ever been.  Too bad I have no clue how much I weighed at that point; it really bugs me that I don’t know because I feel like I’m shooting blind.  I don’t really know what my target is, but I was comfortable with my body at that size, whatever it was.  I wasn’t donning a bikini even then, and while that’s always been somewhat of a dream for me, I’m not sure if I’d ever be comfortable wearing so little in public, no matter what my body looked like.  So I guess what I’m saying is that having a bikini body, while it would be nice, doesn’t excite me as much as being able to go into the limited and have the cute outfits on the mannequins fit me does.

Anyway, I am glad to have reached one of my goals… I’m sad that I still have so far to go.  I think I’m going to actually make a page for my goals so I can easily find them whenever I need to.  I also think I need to assign some sort of time frame to them… the problem I am having is that I don’t know what a realistic time frame really is.  I think I should lose 2 pounds a week, but I haven’t really been all that consistent, and I already feel like I’m doing as much as I can handle.  Unfortunately, I don’t have the luxury of taking my time with the wedding looming so near…  I seriously cannot describe how happy I will be once our ceremony is over.  I can’t wait.  Everyone else’s wedding is more fun for me than I imagine my own will be.  I love being a guest at weddings… not so sure I’m going to love the spotlight.  Then again, if I reach my goal, who knows how I’ll feel.

Alright, I’m going to write up that goals page right now.  I need to give some thought to my time lines before I hit the gym.  Oh, and speaking of which, man did I hit it hard yesterday.  I am so sore, it is ridiculous.  It’s amazing how, no matter how many lunges I do, I just never get used to them.  I did 30 per leg yesterday with 10 pounds in each hand.  I did curls at the bottom of each lunge, so I did 60 bicep curls at the same time.  Man, I hurt now.  I also did 30 squats with shoulder presses holding the same 10 pounds per hand.  Then triceps with 20 pounds too.  Now I don’t know if I should run at the gym or take it easy and just do 55 minutes on the elliptical.  I really should do some ab exercises, but I’m already so sore, I think I’ll save that for Friday.

Ok, I’m off… but probably not for long.

So, I really need to write out some concrete goals, so here are my first few:

1. Get out of the obese category – 17 pounds, weight of 185
2. Lose 10% of my body weight – 20 pounds, weight of 182
3. Get down to 175

Those first two are pretty darn close to each other, but what can you do?  As my reward for 1 and 2, I bought a book on making clay flowers and the supplies to do it.  I ordered the stuff a little early, but the way it’s shaping up, I won’t have the book before I hit 185 and hopefully I won’t have the stuff before I get to 182.  If I get it early, I guess I just won’t let myself use it until I reach the goal.  I hope that I’ll be making flowers soon though.

For the goal to get to 175, I think the reward will be that DKNY Be Delicious perfume.  I really like that stuff.  Or, a Vera Wang perfume.  I had a sample of the Vera Wang and I loved that too.  We’ll see what I’m in the mood for when the time comes.

I’m not sure how I should set my goals beyond that though.  I was thinking about doing a reward for every time I lost another 10% of my weight.  If I do that, the rest of my goals will look like this:

4. Lose 18 pounds – weight of 164
5. Lose 16 pounds – weight of 148
6. Lose 15 pounds – weight of 133
7. Fit into my wedding dress – weight, unknown…

Getting down to 133 would be really tough for me.  I’m not sure what my lowest weight ever has been, but I’m not sure I’ve ever been in the 130s.  Anything under 140 would be awesome.  Ultimately, fitting into my wedding dress is my goal.  I don’t care what the size on the label is, that dress is small.  Even if I can’t make it in time for the wedding, I may hold onto the dress for awhile to use as a measure of progress.  I really hope I can wear it for the big day though.  Fingers crossed…

Ok, so now I feel a little ridiculous for being so upset earlier.  It really is amzing how much better I feel after exercise now.  I still don’t feel all that great while I’m running, but I like how I feel aftewards enough to keep doing it, I guess.

I may be going a little crazy, but I feel much better, so whatever.  Before I left work I ordered the clay I’ll need to make these flowers I want to try.  If they look good, I may use them in the wedding, but if not, whatever.  It’s something for me to do and I think it’ll be fun.  I don’t know why, but I just can’t get excited about cross stitching or beads right now.  Those were previously my staple crafts though.  I’m sure someday I’ll be in the mood to go back to them… I almost feel like they’re more winter crafts or something.  Yeah, I’m insane.

Anyway, not too much else to say.  I was upset earlier but the point is that I AM losing weight.  There haven’t been all that many times I’ve been able to say that, so I should at least feel good about what I’ve accomplished so far.  16 pounds… that’s something, right?