A New Beginning

I haven’t posted in awhile again, but I am still alive! If you look at my weight calendar at all, you can see that even when I’m not posting entries, I keep that up to date. I know a lot of diet and weight loss gurus advise against weighing yourself everyday, but I really think it helps keep me on track. Plus, my weight really just doesn’t fluctuate as much as it used to. When I first started losing weight and before I kept that calendar, I was going crazy because I would lose or gain as much as 4 pounds overnight. I’m much more consistent now.

I’ve been “following” the Body for Life program for 4 weeks now. I use the term following loosely though. Since our kitchen has been a disaster area for basically the entire time I have been doing BFL, it has been impossible to cook healthy dinners. Rob and I have eaten nothing but junk for dinner for weeks. So I haven’t followed the diet portion at all. I’ve partially followed the exercise plan. I’ve been doing weights twice each week and 3 days of cardio. When I do weight workouts, I have been following the BFL template as far as the order of the exercises and reps are concerned. I just can’t seem to get into the weights enough to do it 3 times a week. I have a hard time exercising at all on the weekend, but could probably motivate myself to do cardio, especially if I was going to feel satisfied with just 20 minutes. But, I never get 3 weight workouts in during the week. I have been really feeling exhausted lately, and for some reason, doing cardio when I feel like that is much more appealing than doing weights. That’s probably because I feel more energized after cardio, but after the weight workouts I feel weak and worn out. Maybe now that I’m almost done with the massive decorating project I took on I will have more energy. I’ve really been working non stop for weeks now.

I can’t wait to be done with the kitchen and family room. We’ve close now. I just need the bench I ordered to come in, I have to put up the curtains I made over the weekend, put up the coat hooks I bought, get the mural I’ve ordered so I can install that in the cabinet doors, seal the backsplash grout, add silicone to the backsplash edges, add the edge trim to the cabinets, cut openings for cords in a couple shelves, and then vacuum and wash the floors. That sounds like a lot, I guess, but really it’s only about one day’s worth of work. The edge trim is going to be the hardest part because we need to use my dad’s tablesaw to do it, which means we need the time to go out to their house sometime. I am excited to post pictures when it’s all done though. I’m also excited that now everything is done enough that I can cook in the kitchen again.

So, that’s is what brings me to my point today, which is that I’m determined to hit my next weight goal this week. I’m at 156 today, and now that I have a working kitchen again, I think I should be able to lose 2 pounds this week. I have to look at my calendar, but I’m feeling like this is a good weekend for my rock band party, which is my reward for getting to 154. If I go so far as to plan a party and send some invitations, then I think I’ll really stay focused on the goal. I hope so, anyway.

I know in my last post I said how I was feeling more content and less motivated to lose weight. I still feel like that pretty often… but then I have days like I did over the weekend. This weekend I was looking in the mirror and just didn’t like what I saw at all. I hate the way most of my clothes look on me after I’ve been moving around in them for a few minutes. They don’t lay right, you can see stomach fat (big time), and it just isn’t appealing. It is very weird because on one hand I am kind of content. On the other, there are definitely moments when I look in the mirror and feel as though I haven’t changed at all and just have such a long way to go. On days like that, it seems like losing another 26 pounds actually won’t even be enough. It’s a weird place to be in, mentally. I’m not sure what to think. I have some people saying I look good, but I can’t tell if those are sincere compliments or are the “compared to how you used to look” variety. Know what I mean? Like, is it someone saying I look good as compared to a general standard or are they just saying I look better than I once did? The first is a true compliment. The second isn’t, in my opinion. I want to actually look good… I don’t want to just look good when compared to an obese, unhappy person, which is what I was.

Anyway, on another note, I am trying to decide whether I should sign up for the Fish Day 8k run. I’ve never been in a race longer than 5k, which is still a tough distance for me. I actually went 4.97 miles (8k) on the treadmill last Friday for the first time ever. It took 57:58, if I remember correctly. But, that was inside, on a flat treadmill, where it was 68 degrees. The real race will be outside, hilly, and probably about 90 degrees. I know I can finish 8k, but I don’t want to look sad and be the last person walking across the finish line. I wish they just did a regular 5k! That would be an easy decision, because I know I can do 5k. I am still working on getting my time under 30:00 on that though. Today was a recent best, 33:40. I don’t feel like I really have any idea how to improve my times, I just keep trying random things and hoping they work. Maybe I’ll stop over at the iVillage runner’s board today and see if they have any insights…