A New Beginning

So I’ve been taking those anti-depressants for a couple weeks now and I actually do feel much better.  I’m not sure if it’s the medicine or just that time has passed since the robberies and car accident or what, but I’ll take it.  Of course I had to put normal in quotes, because I know I’m never completely normal.   I pride myself on being just a little bit crazy.  Unfortunately, my relationship with Wellbutrin did not work out.  I got the prescription on a Tuesday and took it for the first time the next morning.  Well, I ended up getting a pretty bad migraine on Thursday at like 7:00 am, before I even got to work.  I didn’t know if it was just one of those freak things though, because I have a history of getting migraines, so I took Wellbutrin again on Thursday and then again Friday.  Well, on Friday I ended up with another migraine, which was worse than the first one.  I had to leave work again, which wasn’t cool.

I called and emailed my doctor and she said to stop with Wellbutrin right away and actually said that I should visit the ER if the headache was one of my worst.  It wasn’t, really, just a typical migraine, so I just took a nap and went on with life (well, after 5 hours, anyway).  My doctor still thought that an anti depressant could be good for me, so she prescribed Lexapro.  I started taking that last Tuesday, so it has been one full week as of today.  I feel good and haven’t noticed any side effects, so that is nice, but I am still pretty tired most of the time.  I’ve read that the tiredness can take awhile to go away though, and that in a month or whatever I may just wake up and suddenly realize “hey, I’m not tired anymore!”  I’m hoping for that, at least.  As crazy as this sounds, I felt like I could have fallen asleep while I was working out today, and I get plenty of sleep…

So, I guess that is the deal with that.  I’m no longer having any nutty thoughts about offing myself or anything like that.  Of course, my fantasies about winning the lottery are still alive and well; but I think those are pretty normal, right?  I keep buying lottery tickets (like 2 a week) and while I’m obviously aware of the fact that I have a greater chance of being struck by lightning while sitting here in my office on a day it isn’t raining than I do of winning, I dream anyway.  I know money can’t buy happiness, but in my case, I think it actually could.  Having $1,000,000 would mean I could start a home flipping business and not have to worry about my income.  Having my own business has always been a dream of mine, and I think flipping houses is an ideal business for me.  I’d get to use my real estate license (4 classes to go), I’d get to decorate, and I’d get to help improve neighborhoods by taking houses that were otherwise eyesores and turning them into beautiful spaces that anyone would be proud to own.  Honestly, if I made any money in the process that would just be a bonus for me, because I love doing all those things anyway.  God, winning a million would be so awesome…

Ok, so back to reality… in the world of weight loss, I’m obviously stalled.  I am NOT good at losing weight when I stop taking phen.  I can maintain decently, I think, but losing is another story.  I took about a month off from phen and I started back on it again today.  Actually, Lexapro is a selective seratonin reputake inhibitor which, when used in combination with phentermine, can prolong phen’s effects and helps prevent the tolerance that most phen users experience after a few weeks.  So, I am kind of excited about that, and I’m hoping this combo can give me the push I need to lose my last 30 pounds once and for all.  One doctor in particular, Michael Anchors, really advocates this combination.  He has an entire website dedicated to it, www.phenpro.com, so I’m not totally nuts.  And, just for the record, I didn’t seek out an anti-depressant for this reason at all; but if it helps me with my weight loss, then I’m not going to argue with that.  My motivation has slowed down dramatically since my wedding and I will take motivation wherever I can get it right now.

So, 30 pounds to go.  That seems like a lot, but I really really want to do it.  At this point, every pound lost is a much more significant portion of my total weight than it was when I was 205, and I think each pound lost is more visible than the last.  Despite gaining 5 pounds since I stopped phen, my clothes don’t feel any different at all, so that’s good.  I have a few new things that I was hoping would fit a little more loosely by now though, so I still am looking forward to that.  I’m also really hoping to lose some fat off of my upper arms.  I have been lifting weights like a fiend lately, and my arms are very strong and ripped… except for all that fat coating them.  I think that in another 15 pounds I can really give Michelle Obama a run for her money though!  Ha!

Well, I should get to work and all of that, blah, blah, blah.  I just wanted to post that my mood has improved greatly, and I’m feeling re-energized mentally right now.  I hope things keep up like this and I start seeing the scale go down agan very soon.  I have a lot to look forward to, it seems, not the least of which is getting my cooper back in a week when it will hopefully look good as new again.  Don’t drink and drive, people, please!